Limitations of vision 02-03-2010

Limitations of vision

I see not the full truth
I know not why my sight is limited, but that fact remains
I see that i hurt the ones i love,
I cause pain, grief, sorrow, destruction…
I destroy
I see not the full truth
I forget the good i do, the help i do
I forget the good and see only the destruction in my wake
I know not why my sight is limited, that fact must be changed

Open 02-03-2010

Open

To see one must look
To truly see, one must have their eyes open
and stop trying to look
To hear one must listen
To truly hear, one must have their ears open
and stop trying to listen
To be oneself one must try
To truly be oneself, one must be open
and stop trying…
one simply must be
Be open
    open mind
    open body
    open soul
Be open

Irony 02-03-2010

Irony

My life is spent waiting
for one thing or another
spent waiting
not lived
not living
not moving
waiting
No more do I want
to wait for things
I want to go after them
be not afraid and chase them down
Yet...
There is one thing that i cannot chase after
One thing that has so much good potential
but I cannot take
This I must wait for
I must wait for a possibility of hope
Ironic, no?

Beating myself up 02-03-2010

Beating myself up

I beat myself up
I may deserve it
I may not
I don't know
I hurt others
I do something stupid
I damage
So I cause damage to myself
Pointless unless I learn
Life is learning
Life must be learning
I make a mistake and
I beat myself up
No
I make a mistake
and I should learn
I should grow
I should live

Sacrifice 02-03-2010

Sacrifice

How long have I done this, sacrificed myself for others?
Noble?
    crap, it was never noble, as much as I lied to myself
I ran, I hid
I am a coward
I sacrificed so I would not need to deal
    not be disappointed
    not be hurt
    not feel
I hid as I would not have to face the truth
No More!
    tired of it,
    useless,
    pointless
disappointment, hurt and more importantly feelings are apart of life
and I refuse to run from them
I must deal,
    must accept,
    must feel
I want to live so I will feel

Not balanced 02-03-2010

Not balanced

A life not whole,
A life not balanced
fear
of losing the comfort in this discomfort of who I am to be something better
fear
    of losing the comfort in this discomfort of who I am to be something better
fear
    of my limitless potential
fear
    of moving forward to fail
    of falling and not standing again
fear
    of not having anything to fix
    of not being needed, wanted
fear
    of being the man i want to be
because i
fear
    i don't deserve to be him
This life is not balanced and fears the loss of it's comfort
but...
    with this unbalanced life I live within and have my fears
    I run in circles
    I fear the exit
ironic, no?
This life not balanced is a life of fear and regret
I am afraid

though i may not be wicked, i have done wicked things.

here i shall remain, stained by my past….
though the soft earth soothes,
(in the name of peace and hope)
blood has been shed.

here i remain, glad to remain….
my meaning fulfilled, i am not discarded,
(in the name of peace and hope)
blood need not be shed.

no longer i remain, still, with my stains….
now returned to hands of my owner,
(in the name of peace and hope)
blood must be shed.

save for the soul of my owner….
the one called "hero,"
(in the name of peace and hope)
the world may be spared.

though he may be a "hero," we have done wicked things.

Joshua Stortz
10-28-2009