A new life 09-05-2010

A brand new life
A brand new soul
what must it see?
how does it learn?
how does it become
    who it will become?
As it grows and learns and feels
    what direction will it go?
    what path will it take?
Though this new life has a lifetime's worth of questions
It has a lifetime to answer them
What an amazing journey it gets to start

What does this bring? 09-04-2010

What does this bring?
This instability…
Before I avoided everything
Because I was afraid of anger I suppressed
Everything
I stopped myself from feeling
    from being me
I learned much
    how to look
        to see
        to notice
        to read
        to sense
I learned the damage i caused to myself
So I began to change that
I started to let myself feel
    to be me
Yet, at this point
I had forgotten me
    who I was
I had to re-learn
    who I was
    who I am
It is not easy
the questions are difficult
the feelings are overwhelming
I don't think I will ever have a complete answer
But if I keep questioning
and keep feeling
I will be happy with
who I am and
who I will become

Never have I learned 09-04-2010

Never have I learned how to fight this alone
With another this is no fight
    there is nothing to fight
Alone this fight never ends
I survive but never win
What I fight is me
A side of me that sees nothing good
That knows only sorrow
The side that forgot how to hope
This is not a fight to win
This is a fight to accept
A fight to incorporate
A fight so I can become whole
Never have I learned to fight this because I am afraid

Falling 09-04-2010

In falling I forget
I forget how to fly
    how to climb
    how to move
Al I know is
    how to run
    how to hide
    how to cry
And so I fall
    through the blackness
    through the nothingness
    through the loneliness
falling, crying, alone

The Fall 08-28-2010

The thoughts
the sadness
the loneliness
the void
It still exists
Though it is not dark
it leads to dark places
Places I wish to never go again
It still overwhelms
I fall
    within
The tears want to pour
but I fight
To hold myself up
    to not fall
It's not easy
I don't always win

Beginnings 08-27-2010

Being curious
feeling nervous
the not knowing what will happen
or who these new people will become
The endless possibilities
the ones I can see
the ones I hope for
the chances I want to take
regardless of possibilities
and of hopes
new friends are made
Though I may get hurt
I still win

It hurt 08-27-2010

It hurt, that pain, that break
It hurt
Yet… there was more
    more than just hurt
    more than just pain
I cried
Still more
In that hurt
In those feelings
I felt alive
I knew more than just the hurt
I knew I was still alive
More than just existing
I was living
I am living